You know when you cut/graze yourself and it scab's over and then it get's really itchy...doesn't that drive you mad?  My chin is itchy.  This may require a slight explanation, and I will accept that I do sound pretty daft for this, so all is well.  But I believe it was Thursday or maybe Friday...hmm, anyway I was carrying this box of stuff and well accidently whacked myself in the face, I was like ouch!!    But kinda just carried on regardless, then I look in the mirror to check out the damage - and oh my, I have this small graze on my chin (really it is small, I'm making it sound far more dramatic than it is!)  and my just below my eye was all red - and I'm like man, I'm gonna get a black eye!!  Thankfully I haven't - but yeah, all the same, my own stupidity in the first place right. 


So I check my blog and someone left me the sweetest tag messages - I was like woah, that's so nice    No, they were basically saying I should fuck off, grow up and telling me I'm two faced - gotta be the nicest thing I've heard or read today...but yeah so I deleted them, I felt they brought the tone down just a little and well, since whoever wrote them wasn't brave enough to admit they said it - there is no point to them saying it at all.  I think that's was irritated me most, not what was said; because granted everyone is entitled to their opinion, but the fact that they didn't say who it was - for how can I possibilty thank them now!  Seriously, it annoys me when people make these bitchy comments but won't admit to them.  Whomever accused me of being two faced  right, well in some respect that was just a little hypocritical when they can make those comments yet not back them up and believe in them - in a long winded way I'm basically attempting to explain the fact that if you can't admit to it or say it to someones face, such comments shouldn't be made at all. 


Although I muse over the fact that everyone is two-faced to an extent, I think you have to be to get on in life.  People do take it to the extreme, but generally I don't know anyone that hasn't had to get along with someone they don't particularly like for the sake of keeping the peace.  Say you don't like your boss at work - but you get on with them for the sake of the job...is that not being two faced.  Or do I have a stupid perhaps naive way of seeing things? 


Probably gonna pop out later and see Bra or Debi as shes also known.  I haven't seen her in ages!  So much so, I still have her Christmas present.  Or maybe I'll just call it a present now, because Christmas is very over.  We might go for a drink and a chat I think  (orange juice for me...ach, isn't driving annoying sometimes!)  although I guess depending what time I go, I think theres some ok films on at the cinema - so could maybe go there...I have like £10 but yay...cool...


Was thinking about Ross yesterday, you know I still don't think his death has truly sunk in yet.  I was looking at my calendar - checking whose Birthdays are coming up, and his is on the 2nd of February...and subconciously I'm like oh we'll have to do something, then reality will kick in and I'm like...but we can't.    And then on the 13th, it will be a year since my Dad died - thats a weird notion too.  I still remember that night like yesterday, yet I can think about it now with some peace, it still hurts yes, but I've come to live with the knowledge hes physically gone now, I mean afterall he's always gonna live on in my heart and memories right, just like Ross will - and for me I guess that works as a means of consolation.  But deep down you always gonna give anything to be able to see them again, to hear their voice, to have a laugh and joke with them - for things to be how they were.  But that can never be, so instead of dwelling of 'wishing things were different' and how 'things might be' - it's better to live for now, not to forget, but neither to  make yourself unhappy wishing for change. 

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