I hate it, I'm having a big problem sleeping right now...I can't get my mate outta my head, but then I've been through all this emotional trawling before.  The only reason I do it, is so I can come to terms and peace with it all in my head.  But the whole not getting enough sleep is leaving me more emotional, and I'm trying to be there for my friends and help them through it too - but it's getting slowly harder.  I saw the front page of a local paper yesterday - saw his smiling face and burst out crying.  And it's stupid in one respect...because how I feel can't even compare to how his family feel.  You know I think it must be far worse to lose a child than a parent.  You know at least with me I can think well you know my Dad did pretty much what he wanted to do, he was content with life - he had a family and that was important to him, and although it pain's me so so much to know he won't be around to see us go to uni, get jobs, have kids etc - at least he got the things he wanted out of life, but Ross - it was like his life had only just begun.  He had so much infront of him, so many plans - and he won't get to live any of them.  And it's such a shame. 

Always said he'd take me for a drink when he was 18, would have been next month.  So I'll get a few of the guys together and we'll go have a quiet drink on his birthday as a rememberance for him.

It's like I really have to write about all these otherwise I think I'll be all screwed up.  So my boss is not making enough money from the business, so she's cutting all our hours and closing earlier.  Although I'm pretty sure that's not the best method to save money.  But hey... I'll just get another evening job won't I - can't work days whilst I do work experiance, and I can't be fooked with the cafe right now - it's going slowly downhill I'm sure...

So I might drag Drunk Tony to the cinema with me friday cus it's his day off and I ain't seen him in yonks.  Oh and well that films out isn't it...Team America: World Police I think it's called, looks quite funny anyway.  Other than shitty work on wednesday I don't really have much planned for the rest of the week.  Oh might go shopping tomorrow with Sammy if my brother doesn't have the car that is.  I so need my own car, I just won't bother until before I go to uni though...but it is kinda annoying how my brother always seems to escape putting fuel in the car - it's like it needs filling up again, what's the bet that I'm the one that does it as well!  Cheeky so and so.

Anyways I'm getting hungry so I'm gonna get some munchies and go find my phone, I've put it somewhere and I'm not sure where...the annoying thing being as well, that I think it's on silent, so even if I call it I won't bloody hear it.  I swear I'm getting really stupid in my old age.  Like last night Oli so wound me up - cheek, he asked me to put money in the underground safe or something so I went to and he goe's no no what you doing - I was like shit, and he was like only joking.  Jesus I was like well it's too late now...how much of a prat did I feel though - some people!!